the rudiments of help

Just recently, I offered a close friend help and this friend of mine said that she didn't need it. But when someone else offered, she took it and praised him sky high and went round telling everyone how much a wonderful person she is. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in the "looking to be praise" department, I am just wondering why someone close wants to offer you help and you reject it and take up someone elses offer and praise him sky high. Was my wanting to help any less or was I just not someone good enough to help or was it just the simple reason that people are selective of the people they want helping even if it is someone supposedly close?

It got me thinking, that we tend to forget the people around us that cares for us and we choose to turn to people that are outside the "circle" of friends. I realised that I myself have been a victim of this, I've been in trouble, had problems... I struggled and turn to everyone else for help except those that are close around me. I noticed that I tend to run to others and if others don't help, I know I still have the security of those around me at the end. But why take those people close to us for granted? Why not always run to them first, accept their help/favour and not feel bad about it. I mean, why feel bad when they are suppose to be close to you, care about you and love you.

I realised that it hurts to have your help/favour rejected and to have someone outside give that same helped and be praised sky high. I realised that over the years, how much I have hurt those close to me. Wounds like this are hard to heal and I now regret how I've hurt people especially God, my parents and my best friends.

I wish there was a way, I could turn back the clock and undo all the wrong things that I have done. I know I can't, so I guess I have to focus on not hurting the people around me that cares and not soak up in my own self-pity anymore, not complain that no one cares because there is a whole lot of people that care and love me, especially my dearest parents.

Being away from home has made me realised how much my parents mean to me. I've taking them for granted many times when I was in KL and their visit here this time round has opened my eyes to how much I am actually going to miss them when they return home. Sigh... emoness coming... but I mustn't indulge in self-pity when the time comes. God help!!