the battles of the war

Over the last few weeks, I've found that my past is catching up with me. Areas where I thought I've put a lot change to is starting resurfacing again. I find shades of my oldself coming back. I saw very evident that I still have a lot of work that I need do. I saw feelings being hurt because of my sharp tongue, I saw insecurity creep in again, I saw myself not flexible, I saw myself without hope, worst of all I saw my faith struggling.

I look at myself, a Bible School student and yet I see this as the most testing time of my life ever. How weird it is when you thought you're in a sanctuary of peace and tranquility, where you have the support and influence of fellow saints to help you through your transformation. It's been quite evident that, I come under attack most when I am at what I thought a save ground.

I look up to God and ask, when will this "war" ever end? and I realised that the war will never end until I've learnt. I have lost counts of battles that I have fought in, I have lost count the number of times I have been wounded in battle, but yet the war still carries on and I hope and pray after each battle that the battle I last fought is a breakthrough to the end of the war.

How I am weaken in the battles and I want to concede the war or have I conceded defeat to the war? The general of the war in me has changed many times, and it each change it has brought renewed hope to the end of the war. But, albeit to the end, the enemies suddenly wins a big battle, the general dies and the war seems closer to defeat again.

I now pray for strenght to continue fighting, I pray for renewed hope and faith that I don't die in the battle for there's a war to be won.