what the HECK??!!!

What the Heck: Incident #1

I had some problems with my access to my company's portal. So I called help desk to ask why do I have this access problem and they said they'll check and email me. So they did send the email, and this is how the email went:

Dear Mark, Try calling you at the number that you gave me, but was uable to get you. I am uable to reset your password or check the status of your account for you. So could you do me a favour, print screen the error message that appear and send it to asia_group_helpdesk@csc.com. Once we receive it , i will be able to ejaculate the issue out and get the issue solve asap for you. Thank you

WHAT THE HECK!!!! Isn't it suppose to be "escalate" the issue

What the Heck: incident #2

A conversation than happened between me and two other friends. Names have been changed to protect the identity of the stupid:

Me: So Bob, what does your wife work as?

Bob: She’s a doctor

Matt: Wah… good ah.. doctor wife….!!!

Me: So what is she specialize in?

Bob: She specializing now, she’s gonna become a pediatricians..

Matt: What’s that???

Me: Take care of kids lar..??

Matt: OH!! Take care of tits lar… !! So that means your wife breast cancer specialist lar?

WHAT THE HECK??!!! *slam head on wall*