disappointed.....

What am I disappointed about? I am disappointed at myself. I always thought that money is not a motivating factor for me but just a source of necessity, meaning make enough to have a comfortable living. Today, I realize that I am motivated by money. After months of bugging my director in Singapore for a possible transfer back to KL, it finally coming true and I was ecstatic when my director called my this afternoon to tell me that they confirmed my replacement. I was all the way ecstatic until they told me my salary package in KL. I was expecting a big pay cut from my earnings in Singapore (after conversion) but I didn't expect this big a cut. After hearing what my new pay sounds like, my ecstaticsm turned to "why the heck am I coming back for!!??" depression thoughts. I played on the money can't beat having "friends and family around" card, it lifted me up a bit, than I played the "I get to be fully committed to YC" card and it lifted me even more. So, after hearing the salary package part, I asked so what's my new role going to be like in KL? After hearing the role, I went back straight into depression. In short, it's a role that no one wants to take up and with the salary that comes with it........ I shan't say more.

My director said this to me, "Mark this role you will learn, money cannot be a motivational factor to learn from this role and I know you will not let money motivate you". Well, I really used to think that money doesn't motivate me. But I guess........ I was wrong............. and I am disappointed with myself that I do allow money to motivate me. I thought after 1 year of Bible College, I was over the "money a motivating factor", but I guess I still haven't learnt....... *BIG SIGH*