for the chelsea fans - an excerpt from the diaries of jose mourinho

I received this from my colleague this afternoon, cracked me up big time when I read it. But only the football enthusiast would understand, especially the Chelski fans.

Disclaimer: This is rated PG. If you are under the age of 18, please leave the site now but knowing you curious kids will still read on, please ensure you read it with your parents next to you. I will not be held responsible for any minds corrupted.

22/04/07

(18:45hrs): We have just drawn against Newcastle United. I am upset. The interviewer is about to come in, and I need to distract him away from our faliure... After all, if I give the general public a glimpse of imperfection, society would crumble, women would kill themselves at my feet, for their hero, their "special one" has failed. I must appear perfect, for the good of the world.

(1905hrs) I made some bullshit about penalties. I believe I came across as witty and sexy, but soft and vunerable, Like Cech's skull.

23/04/07

(1345hrs): Rafa keeps calling me a twat on the phone and hanging up. This is no way to treat the "special one". I must hold a press conference To show how unaffected I am by Liverpool. Must go, the phone is ringing.

(1346hrs) It was Rafa.

23/04/07

(2015hrs): Press conference tomorrow. Must remember to practice my pouting. How can they hate someone that looks so good? It is impossible. Look at David Ginola. And he's a dickhead.

24/04/07

(12:30hrs): Drogba is round for lunch and the bastard broke my coffee table. My wife bumped into him with the cake tray and dropped like a sack of shit onto the coffee table. It was my favourite too. High polish so I can see myself drinking coffee in a smouldering fashion. I will have to buy another mirror to compensate. Sexy has gone down 10 points in this house.

(2000hrs): Just had a conference and I can honeslty say, everyone loved me. There was a reporter in the front row that actually broke down in a fit of tears from just hearing the words that my mouth speaks. I could have sex with her, but Jose makes the woman work for his love. Plus, she was fat. I made some crap about Liverpool going to target Drogba, so he now can go down like a stone at will. I am very impressed with him. Today he crumpled to the floor when a moth landed on his shoulder.